Following through with boundaries
Hello Mercedes,
My most burning question is this - there is a huge amount written and said about boundaries especially in relation to work, workload, demands and working hours etc....and having applied what I have learned, I have found an absolutely huge gap in support/advice/discussion about what to do next...that is, what to do with the reactions from everyone to my attempts to be assertive and either introduce, enforce, or repair and rebuild boundaries in relation to work.
As you can probably imagine from my question, it's been hard enough working on boundaries but I am usually woefully underrepresented for the often extreme reactions to me setting them....and this is where the problem lies...because if you fail to follow through, it's even worse than if you hadn't tried in the first place…
Appreciate any discussion on this topic and very Happy to contribute further
All the best,
A
Dear A,
First, some kudos to you for working on one of the healthiest skills around.
With that said, there is a reason many don’t do it themselves - it is difficult. Wow! You are trying to introduce, enforce, repair and rebuild boundaries! Amazing, and also sounds like a lot to take on at one time. It sucks to do self-work for our sanity just for it to rub others the wrong way. Unfortunately, we can’t control how others feel (and perhaps we shouldn’t). Something we can do is get creative with our options. You mentioned a gap in productive discussion around boundaries - could you help start one? What does HR have to say about this? Who could help you think through this? In terms of extreme reactions from others: here is another opportunity for you to set boundaries around taking on other people's issues. You are allowed to have your own emotions - and so are they.
All of this is work, and what might be also needed at this time is some extra TLC to yourself for when others disappoint you.
Always,
Mercedes
